Hello folks! My apologies for being away almost a week. Last Wednesday, we were on H1N1 watch. Nathan woke up and said that his stomach and his head were hurting him. He also had a little lower GI trouble. He never complains about being sick, so I took it seriously and kept him home.
Being cautious (and anxious!) I called his Pediatrician. They asked his symptoms and they immediately said, "That's how H1N1 is showing up in the office here. Lots of headache, stomach ache, lower GI and fever." I was dumbstruck. And terrified. And mad! I had taken him to a big inflatable playspace on Sunday. There were kids and parents wall to wall. All of the little ones running around, not wary of hygiene. I made Nathan wash his hands about 12 times. If I had had a can of Lysol I would have sprayed myself from tip to toe. I have been uber careful about keeping my hands clean, washing up every chance I get, using sanitizer religiously. And to think that NONE of it made any difference and my poor child was about to have 7 to 10 days worth of unnecessary hell, well, I was flummoxed!
I immediately got him in the car and we shopped like the PLAGUE had returned. I stocked up on disposable gloves, rubbing alcohol, Immodium, Liquid Motrin, Lysol, water, Gatorade, and instant soup. I sprayed every surface that we had ever TOUCHED with Lysol, wishing it was diluted Napalm. I washed every piece of clothing and bedding in the hottest water and sprayed our mattresses and pillows with more Lysol. I made sure we did not share glasses or anything we had eaten off of. Every time he used a thermometer, I wiped it down with alcohol. I was in a disinfecting froth! I yearned to have Thieves Oil to just douse the whole house in and set it on fire, thinking that might kill whatever may sickness may be haunting the house.
And no, I never set the house on fire.
Speaking of time passing, I was informed that I had to keep Nathan out of school for 48 hours. 48 hours of unstructured time. 48 hours of him being potentially violently ill. 48 hours of my anxiety giving out enough frenetic energy to run Rhode Island for a month. My stomach almost fell out of my body, it had shrunk so much from all of my fretting.
Nathan thought this was AWESOME.
Now, of course, he's riddled with the Black Death, we think. I check his temperature as much as I can, which he hates because he detests the oral thermometer. I can't take him out, because he may infect someone.
We spent alot of time together, but he did not like me leaving him for even a second. I would play with him for 3 hours at a time, not taking a break, and then would go to check my email or put on a load of dishes. He would then whine, "MOM! You're IGNORING ME!" Charming, to the last.
Let's discuss our concepts of time, shall we? Nathan's theory of mind is that if he has to wait for anything, God help you. He'll unleash his fury in a face warped by a million preserved lemons. He'll stomp his feet like he's awakening the Kraken. It's kind of amusing, and sometimes, I have to try REALLY hard not to laugh. But mostly, I try to keep him from having a real drama fest.
At therapy today, he had asked to make a stress ball and his therapist had said, "In a minute." Nathan proceeded to ask her every 10 seconds when he could do this task. We were trying to work out his goals for the next three months and he was just repeating the same thing over and over. He finally got up out of his chair, growled and snarled and stomped around the room. He sat down in an exaggerated huff, arms crossed, face pursed in mock aggravation. "How's that working for you?" I asked. I told her that Nathan's theory of mind about time "stinks". She laughed at me. She said, "You shouldn't know that. I'm still learning that concept!"
I look back at what had happened to me earlier today. I had a HORRIBLE dream where my whole life was on view.All my mistakes were on display in some surreal art museum where people were mocking me in their fancy suits and cocktail dresses. Every one telling me I'm not good enough, I'm worthless, I'll never amount to anything. All of my inner critics met at this museum and were having a grand old time on my account. I woke up very disturbed and upset.
I was reminded that I am not that person, that I have become something different and wonderful. Time passes. Some people remain the same. Some of us change. A few of us evolve. Nathan has made incredible strides. And so have I as his mother. But not only as a mother, but as a woman and a human being. I look forward to continue on this amazing journey. :)