Thursday, April 15, 2010

Do You Blue? 4/15/2010

I hear the commuter rail train horn in the distance, and I am reminded of how many houses I have lived in where I have been close to that sound. Everywhere I have lived, with the exception of one place, (affectionately called Composer Row), has been near a train station. Our new place will be near one as well. 

We're moving, but not far from where we are. It was as if the stars aligned and said, "Yes, you are to move!" I'm not switching Nathan's school until the fall, so he'll finish out the 2nd grade and start the 3rd grade in the new school. 

Nathan had a ROUGH afternoon. I think the switching between programs has added to his stress level. He gets along a bit better with these kids and does less parallel play with them. However, he was playing a game where one kid is it and tags another kid and then they tag team more kids, etc. Nathan did NOT like this game AT ALL. He does not like getting ganged up on. It was a little much for him to handle. I was in another room cleaning up when I heard the screeching. Nathan was red faced, sweaty, hysterically yelling and making a motion like he was kicking someone. He was out of control. I called to him and made him sit down. He was breathing heavy, tears rolling down his face, unable to form words well. 

I managed to get out of him that a bunch of kids were chasing him and that he didn't think it was fair and that he hated being tagged. He was so exhausted and sad. I was trying NOT to tell him, "Well, snap out of it!", and I am glad I didn't.

I told him that being upset is okay, screaming a blue streak is not. I told him that we can't spend our lives quitting games because we need to know how to play them. I said it's easy think you can live your life without friends and games, but it's very lonely and that doesn't happen in real life. In real life, there are games to play and rules to follow. If you don't learn how, you're not living in real life. The world will not change to make your life easier, we must learn how to live in this world and make it easier for us.

It's hard being that parent with the voice of reason. Lord knows when I got that skill, but I'm thankful I do have it. He was able to resume playing a bit later with a simple game of tag. That went on for 45 minutes. He was rather tired after that. We met J.T. for dinner at Friendly's and Nate had Cheeseburger Sliders on a stick and for dessert had the Volcano which he pronounced "Vol-cone-o", which I thought he was saying it wrong, when it was very right. I stand corrected.  I was very thankful for J.T.'s visit, which helped calm the both of us.
I am thankful for the calm and for family and friends who have been such an integral part to our lives. For those who help Nathan during the day when he's in school to folks who check on us to make sure we're okay. We are so grateful for all of your love and support.

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  1. Hey there. I have been reading your blog for a while and have found it really helpful as I am a primary school teacher and work one on one with a 6 year old child with aspergers in the holidays. Even though I have been with him for a while now, I had never really heard about aspergers until I started working with him so I'm still new to everything! I was just wondering if you had any advice about handling other people's reactions to my student's behaviour?? For example, when we go on excursions, he will often be quite loud, rude, and sometimes rough (especially on the playground with other children). Whenever this happens, other parents look at me like, 'control your student', or 'how can you let him get away with something like that without punishment.' I don't exactly want to go up to people and tell them his story, because it is none of their buisness, but I was just wondering if you had any words of advice?? Thank you!
    p.s, I love your blog and think you are a superhero :)

  2. I would say first of all as long as people aren't coming up to you and saying anything, I wouldn't bring it up. I'd just let the stares keep coming. People stare regardless of behavior and most people aren't always brave enough to really say what they feel.

    However, if an adult comes up to you and you have permission from the child's parent to say that he has Asperger's then by all means tell them. They may ask for clarification. You can tell them that Asperger's makes it difficult for him to control his brain, and the brain is the "muscle" that tells him how to not fidget, to keep a "inside" voice, etc.

    I'd also make sure the parents of your child give you the okay to tell people his diagnosis. If you don't, you can simply say, "We're working with him/her on that."

    I hope that helps. :) Please let me know how it goes.

    Asperger Ninja