On Wednesday, July 7th, you had your eighth revolution around the sun and are starting your ninth year on this planet. Parents tell parents to be that children will change your life. They never truly tell you the scope of how they will accomplish this. I don't think anyone could have told me how profoundly you have altered mine.
5 years ago, we were adrift...floating, like we were in astronauts in the darkness of space. Lots of things were unfamiliar and scary to the both of us. I was struggling to figure out what was happening with you and managing my own battles at the same time. It was one of the most difficult periods of my existence. I didn't have a manual, I didn't know what was wrong, I just knew. Knew it into the marrow of my bones. Nobody believed me, no one was listening to me. That's when my life changed, even more so then when you came into this world.
I said I would never give up; not on you, not on me and not what I believed in. I spent countless hours researching, speaking to people on the phone, arguing tooth and nail with insurance companies, school systems, administrators and hospitals. I did not take NO for an answer. I was always firm, but always kind. When it came to you, it was a priority.
I changed my life from working in a corporate 9 to 5 job to having multiple jobs where my schedule could be more free to be available to get you to and from school. I took you to every doctors visit, every trip to the dentist, every dreaded journey to the therapist and a few midnight jaunts to the ER. I stayed home with you when you were sick, wrapped you up and sang you to sleep. I did not get to see friends much, get out to do things like I used to because I was now a single parent.
I do not regret my decisions, nor do I lament what changes I had to make in my life. All of these things were necessary to help you get you to where you are today. I wouldn't change a single thing (well..maybe you having an earlier bed time....) about our lives. You are happier, healthier, more aware and have the most amazing team at home, school and camp.
There are days, Nate, when it's hard. But most of the time, it's awesome being with you. You asked me to play with you and build a Lego ship and I felt honored to be in your creative space. We sat and built together, while eating a snack and we talked about our afternoon. It was a red letter day, believe me.
You, Nathan, made me into the woman I am, and have always been. But it took your love (and the love & support of my best friend) to help me grow and evolve, and then, in turn, I could help you do the same. You mean the absolute world to me and I will continue to work to be worthy of you until my last breath.
As Grace Jones said, "I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for you."