Yes, it's a double rainbow. Yes, it's Fenway Park. And yes, I can tie this all together to my IEP experience.
Back in 2002 after years of disappointment and heartbreak, the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl. I was pregnant with Nathan at the time. I recall , jumping up and down at the thought of us finally winning a Super Bowl. It had to have been magic, right?
Fast forward 2 years. The Boston Red Sox, the baseball team "cursed" to never win a World Series, made history as they won in 2004, coming back from a 3 game loss. Was it possible without faith? Without a little elfin magic?
Jump forward a little more. Nathan's IEP update was last Wednesday. I was a little nervous, and honestly, I think we all get nervous despite how many times we do this intricate dance. I was surrounded by a group of women who were just as passionate as I was about getting Nathan the proper services he needed. And the amazing part? He got ALL the things I requested. More movement breaks, increased OT, homework alteration to work within his current parameters, new and improved sensory diet. The best part? Getting a SCRIBE for the MCAS. A SCRIBE. I thought I was going to have a stroke when they agreed with me. I was prepared for a gigantic Mortal Kombat fight sequence. I was a little relieved when I didn't have to pull out the big guns. How did that happen? How did I get so lucky?
I don't know for sure. All I know is that he is much happier, there is significantly much less stress in our home. Homework is not the bane of our existence now, as we addressed it with his teacher who allowed us to modify the way does it. He likes doing it.
Is it Magic? Divine intervention? The Universe moving in mysterious ways?
There are days when it's difficult to see beyond that belief, when I'm down on myself and I'm exhausted. I have times when I don't know if Nathan will get it, if he is imprinting in his brain all the things that I am trying to teach him. I worry that he'll not be self sufficient and that I will have failed him. The world is so difficult to navigate, even for me. I stress and I fret and I worry. I don't think I'm good enough sometimes for even breathing, never mind being an advocate or a parent. Yet, I'm able to pull it together, gather myself and go forth into the unknown and untested.
I do it. I do it every day and I never give up. I love what I do and I love who I am and I love what is in my life. It's not the easiest path, but it's my path. I see the magic that surrounds it and I am blessed by it.
Belief in magic gives us hope, causal explanations, and the illusion of control – all of which we tend to crave – at times when any of those things might be hard to come by. Fears can be assuaged, threats can be tamed, stress can be eased, physical constraints can be transcended, and smoldering embers of hope can be rekindled when magic is possible.