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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What Makes the Ninja Cranky


So, I've been slacking in my writing, which I am not proud of. I know that I have had some changes here at Ninja Headquarters which have altered my patterns. I don't have a schedule with which to follow, so I'm writing whenever I have a spare moment. Which is right now. Which is 10 PM at night, after already being up for....16 hours. Nooooot the most conducive environment to the writing muse, who has been more generous in other areas, but not here.

But I'm going to change that. 

As of today, every Wednesday & Sunday you will get a new post.  I figure two posts a week is decent enough and gives me timelines. I work better under pressure. If I don't challenge myself, then I will slack like I have been. Also, if you kind readers keep me on task and tell me I'm a horrible writer for not updating, guilt is also a wonderful motivator. 

However, I'm going to rant today, because I feel the need to. Here are a few things in my Aspie/ADHD filled life that drive me crazy. 

You Feel Like You Don't Belong In Your Child's School:

I'm getting this feeling lately, and I don't know why. It's hard to put my finger on, but I'm not one of the "popular" moms, or  one of those moms that hang out with other moms. I don't know if it's because I looked at someone the wrong way or perhaps I don't know the secret handshake. Every time I try to sign up for something to volunteer my time, within minutes the opportunity is gone. And with Nate's recent school play, I had no idea who to contact for helping out with the play and I had residual guilt for A) not asking and B) seeing how many parents were involved. Yikes! Get off the merry go round of shame, Mom!

My Monthly Bill Gets More Complicated and Painful

I swear on all that is holy, I don't know what deity I may have offended, but as I have gotten older, when that phase of the moon occurs, I am convinced I am 1/8 Werewolf. I am barky and cranky and moody. I am slovenly and have a hair trigger temper. I feel like something is trying to escape from the inside and is clawing and chewing it's way through. My poor child has to endure this transformation and all I can do is apologize and say I don't feel good. Some months there isn't enough chocolate or salt & vinegar chips to calm this beast.

My Child Has a New Annoying Habit
I love my boy. I do. He is the light of my life and the apple of my eye. But this new habit is so annoying and grating, its like fingers on the chalkboard in Satan's classroom. He whines. On an epic scale. Like it's his job. As if he was training for it like an Olympic Sport. Oh, my God In Heaven. In the past two weeks, every single solitary time he doesn't get what he wants, out comes the over dramatic whining coupled with pitiful faux crying. And don't I look and sound like the worst mother of the century for consistantly saying NO? Of course I do. I'm the Wicked Witch of the West amped up the the 9th power. I also feel the part lately because my darn shoes are too loose and my feet are sore. Where are my ruby slippers?


"I will make Nathan miserable & cranky! Fly! Fly!"

Parents/Doctors/Freaks Who Are Out To Scare You

I've had a few people this week try to shake my foundation about things I should be more aware about, things I should be doing, things I should be on top of in regards to Nathan, his IEP, my life, my schedule, etc. 

I haven't gotten this far in life by being cute and adorable, but it has certainly helped. I got here because I'm resourceful, I'm smart, I'm sassy, I won't take no for an answer, I am kind but firm and I'm not afraid of anything. I'm a single mother who works multiple jobs, goes to school & maintains a 4.0 average, writing reports for both school and work, implementing curriculum, taking Nate to appointments, doing hands on homework every night, rehearsing for a musical, helping with my business partner's theater company,  being there for Nathan emotionally, physically and psychologically and making sure at least 85 percent of his meals are homemade.  I'm pretty awesome. I can always be better and certainly strive to do so, but I do not scare easily. I take on all comers with grace and with ammo. Just try to shake this tree.  

I may not do all the right things when it comes to marketing or tweeting or what have you. I don't have a cool website with awesome graphics and buttons that match. I don't have a sponsor page, don't know the first thing about it. I haven't had a contest. I haven't had guest bloggers. I haven't had items sent to me for review. I don't spend every single solitary moment making sure that Nathan is getting all of his needs met at that instant. I don't have a support group, but I think I might like one. I don't keep up with the writing, and that has truly bothered me and I'm addressing that. Writing to me is important. It helps me deal with the emotional dust that build up and blurs my vision. I do know that I'm pretty darn good at helping people and people feel comfortable coming to me and asking me for assistance. I want to do that in real life. Part of that is this blog. Part of it is me going back to school for Social Work. Part of it is trying to serve my community and the ASD/ADHD community in the best way I can and I haven't figured that out quite yet. What I do know is that this will continue in whatever manifest I deem is worthy of my mind and my soul. Right now this is it. This is me. Raw, unfiltered, rare and amazing. That's the kind of ride I'm offering at this Life Carnival. Stay on or get off with no regrets. You are always welcome here. 

4 comments:

  1. It sounds like you've got a mountain on your back. It took me a long time to realize that I am purely a human being and just doing the very best I can. As much as I'd like too, I can't be perfect and "do it all." This is without having the amount the amount of responsibility that you have on your plate.

    The challenge for me has always been prioritizing and figuring out where to allot my time so that I stay sane!

    You are an amazing woman and will persevere!

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  2. I'm here. Not getting off this ride 'cause I'm living it with you.
    You do what you can and what's best for your family. You know your son. forget what everyone else is doing or saying.
    as for the werewolf thing, I get that too. Just went to the doc for that very issue. She told me as we age into our late 30s early 40s, our hormone levels going into wacky mode and we don't get the slow rise and fall like we used to. she said add in a special needs child and of course you're on edge. not a magic pill but it felt nice to be validated.
    looking forward to the next posts whenever they come.

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  3. You're amazing, Ninja Mom.

    You can do it.

    Just try to rest well, for us. We know things are nutty at your end.

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  4. @Zhu Que: I try, every single day. :)

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