Thursday, August 2, 2012

Mirco Moments

This is what happens when your medication wears off at CVS.
When you become a parent, there are expectations that you are brought up with which echo from your childhood. I'm talking about memories. The good, the bad, the hysterical. The ones that are ALWAYS brought up around family gatherings and you bust a gut or you silently grit your teeth because you're embarrassed but you chuckle to yourself anyway. 

Memories are built around experiences. Experiences that you want to build into your child's brain that are fond, fun and wonderful. Like trips to the beach, or a day at the science museum, or even a week long vacation to Disney. Sitting around the campfire, roasting marshmallows to burnt pillowy perfection and eating them while still lava hot. Reading a favorite story to your child while they sit curled up next to you. Idyllic, yes? 

Asperger's makes it REALLY HARD to have those Betty Crocker Normal Rockwell esque memories. Trying to plan something that you loved as a child and expose it to your offspring could possibly send them into fits, velociraptor type screeching, or have them verbally assault you. There are many factors AGAINST you, which can really be a burden upon a family. With the best of planning;  taking into consideration schedules, medication, food and water intake, how they're feeling that day, where are they in a physical/emotional/behavioral growth cycle... is there any wonder a day with a high potential of success can end up being a crap shoot. 

It's damn frustrating sometimes. It almost makes you NOT want to even try to schedule events, as it's too much time and energy wasted on the dealing with the aftermath of the experience. 


I have found what I find to be a solution for this lack in the child/parent bonding department. 

"Mom, you are a great cooker of cakes!" Not a bad attempt at a Kirby cake. 

I like to call them micro moments. (I did not coin the phrase) I know SARK has mentioned using "micromovements" to write all of her books, then quickly followed by a nap. Instead of trying to plan events or special experiences, I try to appreciate the small bits of time that we spend together that are spontaneous and fun. For example, the other day we went out for ice cream at Pink Berry. This may not seem special or spontaneous, but for my son who HATES to go out once he's home, it was a rare treat indeed. We were able to sit down and eat our ice cream for 15 minutes, which feels like a lifetime of joy in a tiny fleck of the day. 

Last night, we played with trains, blocks and action figures. Again, out of the ordinary for us. We took a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, a Playmobile Roman Man, Padme Amidala and a Mexican Wrestler and we had them in random scenarios, which almost always ended up in one of them being killed by the train. It was pretty funny hearing me use a ridiculous Mexican accent to make Nate laugh. After I put him to bed, I came in with the Mexican Wrestler and made him giggle again before he fell asleep.
It's hard for us to have those really fun, loose and free times. We're usually going to either work, school or an appointment. Home time has chores or homework involved. It's challenging to connect in a way that is meaningful, convenient and not forced. Reveling in these micro moments have been a wonderful way to do that.

Have you found a way to connect with your Aspie in a creative way? Please share your thoughts or suggestions. I would love to hear them!

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